Teachable Moments: A Letter in Love

Dear Nancy Lee Grahn,

I am saddened that so much attention has been given to your statements and less to Viola Davis’ historical win. I do feel like this is another instance in which people distract and detract from the accomplishments of people of color.

But that being said, my mother has taught me to be a firm believer in teachable moments. I understand that many people came in anger and disdain (rightfully so) to your comments. But I often feel that does not alleviate the issue. So, I purposely took the time to read as many of the comments you made, think about them and form this letter that I hope will somehow reach you. Furthermore, I hope you hear these words with the love and understanding that is intended.

Let me first start by saying I have no idea who you are. I’m not saying that to be petty. I’m saying that because I don’t know with any certainty the political or social opinions you hold toward any group of people. I don’t know if you’re tolerant or intolerant. I don’t know if you're prejudiced or privileged. I don’t know if you’re right or self-righteous.

I do know that you committed an error that you attempted to correct. Whether you did so under pressure for PR reasons or true conviction is for you to discern. But your correction didn’t address one of the most important issues I saw in some of the originally statements.

The reality is, I think you just didn’t get what she said. And you were right in your later tweet. You were schooled about your privilege. And we all, Black/White, tall/short, healthy/unhealthy, rich/comfortable/poor, have been checked once or twice about the privileges we so often take for granted. Kudos to you for admitting and acknowledging that.

The fact that you graciously responded to the many tweets you received with apologies (from what I’ve seen reported) is commendable. You humbly continued to accept responsibility and criticism. The next step is to internalize that and improve.

I won’t talk about how opportunities for White women (or people) are significantly greater than Black, Hispanic, Asian or any other race/ethnicity. I can’t imagine you haven’t been told that already. I won’t talk about how, when those ethnicities are cast, they in many ways and too often embody a stereotype that is a generalization of a type of person and not an entire race/ethnicity. Surely you know that. I won’t tell you that, many times, once these characters are created, they are cast as the sassy or super smart sidekick and not the main character. Your television lineup will prove that. I won’t even delve into the fact that you decided that, based on your experiences, she has never been discriminated against. The statement is so unlikely that, after all of the tweets you’ve received, you probably realize you were just speaking without thinking (which we are all sometimes guilty of doing).

But I want to address something else. You tweeted that your statement was badly phrased. That, to me, indicates that you meant what you said, but it didn’t quite get communicated the way you intended. I would surmise that your statement was not badly phrased but revealing: perhaps not only to the world, but to yourself as well.

In your statement, you take away Ms. Davis’ voice. You indicated that her words, her experiences of discrimination (the ones you denied) would have been better as a scripted acceptance rather than a true celebration of the obstacles she overcame.

But here’s something else. It was reported that you tweeted the following:

“and i heard harriet yTubman and I thought Its a fucking emmy for gods sake. She was digging thru a tunnel.”

Now, I’m pulling this information from reliable new sources (whatever that means these days). So, I’m assuming that this was what you actually tweeted. This is the statement I want to address.

Besides the fact that Harriet Tubman was not a tunnel digger or that Ms. Davis simply used a quote without drawing any parallels, you played a part of the discrimination we've mentioned.

The more obvious point I can make is that Ms. Davis quoted Harriet Tubman like you may quote your favorite Shakespearean or historical line. Ms. Davis simply conveyed a shared feeling and emotion. Surely we can agree that, while you and I have never been the First Lady of the United States, we can still identify with a basic emotion First Lady Michelle Obama has had.

But what is more telling is that the only possible parallel you were able to draw from Ms. Davis’ speech was (I’m assuming) Ms. Tubman’s construction of the Underground Railroad.

Ms. Granh, the issue is this: Black women are usually seen so one-dimensionally. And sadly, it is usually negative. We are not praised for the multi-faceted, array of strengths and flaws we, like all women, possess. It is not often that a Black, female character is created with vulnerability and strength; with perfections and imperfections; with outspokenness and meekness.

By making this statement, you ignored all the other wonderful characteristics women of color (on screen and off screen) embody. You deny many other traits to which Ms. Davis might have been referring. Bravery, courage, perseverance, humility, selflessness, patience, intelligence and so many more abstract qualities could have been referenced here. Each woman has so much more to her story. And by choosing to ignore that, or simply not seeing it, you are part of the problem that perpetuates this discrimination.

To me, Ms. Davis was not speaking of the tangible accomplishments that Ms. Tubman had. She was speaking of the journey of Black womanhood. The journey of knowing your self-worth and trying to reach the other side of this very large, and often denied, line where White women’s self-worth is acknowledged and accepted. Those White women are standing there waiting, beckoning for us to continue to fight; continue to walk/run/crawl to that side.

Your statement proved you are not yet one of those White women. You are inadvertently holding us back. But, Ms. Granh, the loveliness of Ms. Davis’ speech and the incorporation of this particular Harriet Tubman quote is that it indicates that there is still hope.

There is hope that all women of all cultures, colors and ethnicities will get to the other side. So I choose to hope that when that day comes, you, too, will be there waiting for us with those open arms. It’s up to you to take that journey.

#discrimination #violadavis #nancyleegrahn #emmys