Chivalry is NOT dead

I’m talking to the ladies in this one. But men can learn a little from this, too.

So often the phrase “chivalry is dead” is thrown around by women.

A friend and I were talking about how, as women, we’re now taught to not depend on a man for anything. I’ve been taught to survive on my own, support myself and live a fabulously unencumbered life without the help of a man. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want the help.

How easy it is to dismiss help when it is offered simply because we’re used to doing it on our own. Another young woman was walking down the hall at an apartment complex and her neighbor saw her struggling with her laundry. He offered to carry it from the parking lot. She looked at him, unintentionally scoffing, and said “no I got it.” I promise she’ll be the first to say she’s rarely the recipient of chivalrous overtures.

Here’s the thing: Chivalry is not dead. We’re just not letting men do it.

All right, before I get verbally smacked around by my fellow feminists, let me be clear. This is not saying that women need a man to perform these actions for them. But I think we can all agree that we want someone to do so. We want someone to show they care and respect us enough to treat us like the ladies we know we are.

So how do we get back to that without sacrificing our “Independent Woman” status? Simple. My mom has always taught me to live by the Maya Angelou philosophy of teaching people how to treat you. People will only do to you what you allow them to do. And, if they stray from that, don’t give them the opportunity to treat you any kind of way at all.

I remember very clearly being taught to allow a man to open the door for me. I was riding with my uncle and aunt somewhere. We parked, he got out of the car and I, young Janelle, opened my door. Quite quickly, my aunt told me, with no explanation, to close the door. I was so confused. But without hesitation my uncle came around and opened both doors for us.

As a side note, the men in my family certainly spoil us. As it should be, they have taught me, by their actions, how a man should treat a woman. I rarely open doors, pay for meals and they are quite handy men to have around.

As for my generation, I have seen the men in my immediate vision treat their women with respect, love and adoration. Some of the most chivalrous men I know show it via Facebook, in private (according to their ladies) and in very subtle ways.

Chivalry exists. It’s beautiful. And there are some awesome examples out there, if you just take the time to look.

So the long story short is this: Be independent. But allow chivalry to happen. It will. It does. And when it does, recognize and appreciate it.

#janelle #chivalry #mayaangelou